So I'm watching my daughter at soccer practice the other night - yes, I have officially entered another dimension in space and time known as... the soccer mom zone. I decided at one point to go to my car (yes, alright, mini - fricking - van, there are you satisfied?) to sit down and sort through some library books I'd put on hold but hadn't really looked over yet. So I'm sitting in the passenger seat, with my door partially open, my foot outside on the pavement. Okay, here comes the hysterical housewife part...I look up just in time to see a rather posh looking older woman approach my car, thrust out both her arms, and proceed to slam my door against me. Reflexes still amazingly intact, I catch the door before it does too much damage to my leg/ankle, and stare in mute (yes, I know me, mute?) disbelief at this woman, who has now become part of a couple, as her husband appears to have joined her. I'm thinking, I don't know these people, what is going on? (not that people I DO know generally try to slam my car door on me either) Then they go for it. She starts screaming at me that my door was open so wide that I was blocking her sidewalk - which for the record is totally untrue - and that I don't belong in her neighborhood and I should get out right now. So I asked her whatever happened to manners - she could simply have asked me to close my door if I was in her way, instead of slamming it on me. At this point her husband screamed "that wasn't slamming the door, THIS is slamming the door!" and then he starts trying to force the door shut on me. Wow. So I calmly reached over, picked up my cell phone and said "Wow. You guys are CRAZY. You need to leave right now, or I am calling the police." However, instead of this striking fear into the hearts of these nutbars, they continue to scream at me, "ya, you go ahead, you call the police, you are the person who doesn't belong here...blah blah blah" you get the picture by now. And I'm talking about a nicely dressed, very put together older couple maybe in their sixties, walking their french bulldog. And I'm a nicely dressed, put together woman in her 40's watching her kid play soccer at an elementary school, which by the way, actually does happen to be in my neighborhood too. So great. Now what the hell do I do? Call their bluff, and dial 911, and say, yeah, I need some help, I'm being assaulted by the elderly at my 8 year old daughter's soccer practice? So I'm waving my phone, and they're waving their arms, and we're all yelling at this point, and finally they walk away, and I put down my phone and attempt to stop shaking and figure out what just happened. Honestly, I still haven't got there. All I can glean from this bizarre experience is number one, for some reason I can't fathom, there are people out there who truly believe that normal rules of society just do not apply to them, and therefore it's perfectly okay to go around maiming innocent people who get in their way. And number two, why does it seem like I am ALWAYS one of those people in someone else's way?
So I have decided to take the high road on this one. Perhaps the hysterical housewife who attacked me was a shade of the future, a warning to me to remember not to take life too seriously, don't sweat the small stuff, or I'll end up shrieking at soccer moms in front of my entire neighborhood. Hmmmmm....or maybe she was just a COMPLETE AND TOTAL LOON who served no other purpose than to provide me with just one more incredibly weird experience to add to my collection of strange tales I use to amaze my friends and family with.
If nothing else, I would have to say she sure made me look good...so thanks, crazy lady, and maybe I'll see you at tonight's practice....:)
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